![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Mom drive-bys
And the convention report is pushed aside by this:
There's an interesting blog called ChezMiscarriage that Theresa Nielsen Hayden of Making Light referenced recently. That's http://chezmiscarriage.blogs.com, for the curious. The blogger posted a comment about Judith Warner's recent book Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety. The post generated a lot of comments, and several new CM posts.
And The Soup Of The Day Is: It's All Your Fault!
"The mothers, they are screwing it up again. Frankly, I don't know why we even let them out of the house. Or was that, in the house? Regardless, thank God we have Judith Warner to set them straight.
"Warner has recently published a book entitled, Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety. It's currently featured on the cover of "Newsweek" (coincidentally, the magazine with the most intractable mommy issues).
"What Warner wants you to understand is that the mothers, they are overinvolved. They are consumed with perfect parenting. They have lost all sense of themselves as individuals, as wives, as friends and lovers. They spend their days wandering around in a narcotized haze of self- and child-absorption, hyped up on goldfish crackers and "Postcards From Buster." They spend hours on kindergarten bead projects! They compete for enrollment in preschool! They drive their children to violin lessons! Why, it's madness! .... Perfect madness!"
[snip!] {And it's an interesting chronology of how moms have been dragged in and out of over-parenting throughout the last century.}
"So I hope that Warner and her fellow hand-wringers will forgive me if I don't get too worked up about the state of motherhood today. After more than seven decades of insults and admonitions, I'm feeling a little numb to predictions of impending developmental disaster. I can't help but notice that women have managed to parent perfectly well, and that children have turned out just fine, regardless of the Hysteria Du Jour.
"What makes me really sad, though, is that I have a suspicion which readers will buy Warner's new book, which ones will pour over its pages in an attempt to diagnose and castigate and improve themselves.
"And if history is any guide, those readers won't be fathers."
http://chezmiscarriage.blogs.com/chezmiscarriage/2005/02/the_mothers_the.html
And the major follow-up posting, about Mom drive-bys:
Today's Guest Blogger: You
"As I read through your voluminous tomes, my eyes riveted to the screen, I began to notice a pattern. A theme, if you will. A leitmotif, which was this: apparently, other mothers frequently say crappy things to you about your mothering.
"So here's what I want to know from you folks: have you ever been the victim of a mother drive-by? And if so, what happened?"
http://chezmiscarriage.blogs.com/chezmiscarriage/2005/02/todays_guest_bl.html
I know I've been guilty once in my life (that I know of), when an approximate 8 year old was swinging a branch with great violence in front of his infant brother's eyes. His father rightly pointed out it was none of my business. I do hope the newborn made it out of "infanthood" with both eyes, although I would be willing to bet money he either lost baby teeth or gained a facial scar during his rise to adulthood. But it wasn't my place. I was young and foolish, and didn't realize that the theory of benign neglect in raising children can actually do an adequate job of parenting. Our ancestors had a dozen under foot, and they managed--humans are amazingly tough creatures.
But if you've ever been tempted to blurt out "Didn't you even try to nurse?" to a woman with a bottle and a 4 month old, read some of these comments. To a woman who nearly killed herself trying to nurse, it's like acid in a raw wound.
There's an interesting blog called ChezMiscarriage that Theresa Nielsen Hayden of Making Light referenced recently. That's http://chezmiscarriage.blogs.com, for the curious. The blogger posted a comment about Judith Warner's recent book Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety. The post generated a lot of comments, and several new CM posts.
And The Soup Of The Day Is: It's All Your Fault!
"The mothers, they are screwing it up again. Frankly, I don't know why we even let them out of the house. Or was that, in the house? Regardless, thank God we have Judith Warner to set them straight.
"Warner has recently published a book entitled, Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety. It's currently featured on the cover of "Newsweek" (coincidentally, the magazine with the most intractable mommy issues).
"What Warner wants you to understand is that the mothers, they are overinvolved. They are consumed with perfect parenting. They have lost all sense of themselves as individuals, as wives, as friends and lovers. They spend their days wandering around in a narcotized haze of self- and child-absorption, hyped up on goldfish crackers and "Postcards From Buster." They spend hours on kindergarten bead projects! They compete for enrollment in preschool! They drive their children to violin lessons! Why, it's madness! .... Perfect madness!"
[snip!] {And it's an interesting chronology of how moms have been dragged in and out of over-parenting throughout the last century.}
"So I hope that Warner and her fellow hand-wringers will forgive me if I don't get too worked up about the state of motherhood today. After more than seven decades of insults and admonitions, I'm feeling a little numb to predictions of impending developmental disaster. I can't help but notice that women have managed to parent perfectly well, and that children have turned out just fine, regardless of the Hysteria Du Jour.
"What makes me really sad, though, is that I have a suspicion which readers will buy Warner's new book, which ones will pour over its pages in an attempt to diagnose and castigate and improve themselves.
"And if history is any guide, those readers won't be fathers."
http://chezmiscarriage.blogs.com/chezmiscarriage/2005/02/the_mothers_the.html
And the major follow-up posting, about Mom drive-bys:
Today's Guest Blogger: You
"As I read through your voluminous tomes, my eyes riveted to the screen, I began to notice a pattern. A theme, if you will. A leitmotif, which was this: apparently, other mothers frequently say crappy things to you about your mothering.
"So here's what I want to know from you folks: have you ever been the victim of a mother drive-by? And if so, what happened?"
http://chezmiscarriage.blogs.com/chezmiscarriage/2005/02/todays_guest_bl.html
I know I've been guilty once in my life (that I know of), when an approximate 8 year old was swinging a branch with great violence in front of his infant brother's eyes. His father rightly pointed out it was none of my business. I do hope the newborn made it out of "infanthood" with both eyes, although I would be willing to bet money he either lost baby teeth or gained a facial scar during his rise to adulthood. But it wasn't my place. I was young and foolish, and didn't realize that the theory of benign neglect in raising children can actually do an adequate job of parenting. Our ancestors had a dozen under foot, and they managed--humans are amazingly tough creatures.
But if you've ever been tempted to blurt out "Didn't you even try to nurse?" to a woman with a bottle and a 4 month old, read some of these comments. To a woman who nearly killed herself trying to nurse, it's like acid in a raw wound.
no subject
no subject
Once I was at the store when the smallest was less than a year. A man came up and said, "Haven't you heard of birth control?"
I asked, "did you ask him, 'haven't you heard of manners?'"
She looked really sad, and said, "I wish I had. But I was always real polite then. It ruined my whole day, though. Ruined my whole day."
More than her day, if she was randomly telling strangers about it 20 years later.
no subject
That seemed to be echoed by many of the posters. I thought you and Sof would find this interesting--
no subject
People just open their mouths and don't think. As a bad example of that (Allie was born from Somewhere...) I can hardly throw stones, but I try not to hurt people. Curiosity is my sin.