You're right about the meme of giving up your sense of self when you get married being pernicious. That doesn't require BDSM, and in fact, I think it's more dangerous when cloaked in suburban respectability. There it can sneak up on you, and take years before you realize something is wrong.

Exactly. It's dovetailing something that is already a dangerous sub-meme, if you will, onto the latest sensation, thus guaranteeing that legions of people will read it. And be subtly influenced by it?

I can understand that members of the kink/fetish community would be seriously annoyed by this book series. It only makes their job harder of explaining their hobby. I think that you're quite right about the ratios of abuse/rape in a sub-population versus the general population. I believe it is like children of alcoholics -- seriously underestimated, in both numbers and long-term effects.