All the better because this really happened to someone (identifiers stripped for this post):
When my mom decided to put her affairs in order, she wanted to donate her body to science. So she called up Emory Med School to see what the paperwork was, and they were like Lady, you can't just die and get admitted to Emory. We only accept cadavers from alums and spouses.
...we're talking a paying market, please. F&SF cannot use "A Very Wary Christmas" so we need select a few more possibilities. Suggestions, anyone? Humorous fantasy, 3,000 words, modern times location.