How Doctors Die

[alfreda89]

If you hope to die peacefully, without crazy and costly measures taken to prolong your life, you're going to have to script it, in detail, and make sure that your doctor, your spouse, your siblings, your children and even your best friends know what you want. My father was shocked to find out that DNR meant that no one would attempt to resuscitate him if he had stopped breathing. But if it was anything short of that, the caregivers would call an ambulance. Because everyone fears lawsuits, and no one wants to explain why they didn't do enough.

My father had to say no. In fact, once he had decided that he was not going to "even out," that there was not going to be an easier period before his death, even with a dozen medications assisting, he kept saying no. It was the last thing he said -- no, to everything, for fear that he'd be taken back to a hospital and we'd be unable to get him unhooked from those machines he'd had a horror of.

A large percentage of doctors die at home, gently. Hospice is not always easy or pretty, but it can be painless for the person dying -- and that's the point. If the pain and fear is controlled, you can have the best death any of us can hope for. Sometimes, people even have more time left, relaxing, away from hospitals and medications.

Which is why Doctors tend to refuse all the things other people get talked or pressured into. Start thinking about it a bit now -- do little things like create documents with passwords, phone numbers, staff to contact. There are nonprofits you can join and put your last wishes on file -- and make sure your family knows you've done this.

Because in the end, you probably don't want the torture that gives you a ten percent chance at lousy quality of life. You want to say goodbye to the people you love, and see a few movies that make you laugh.

Comments

[originalkitsune.livejournal.com]

great article! Thanks for sharing!

[lingster1.livejournal.com]

I worked as a hospice volunteer for a number of years, and I can't emphasize enough what a great solution it can be to the problem of dying with grace, relatively pain free.

I've written a living will, given a family member I trust with power of attorney for medical issues, and I hope to avoid being hooked up to machines in a sterile hospital setting -- a ghastly vision for end of life, to me.

[madrobins]

My father, who had been a volunteer EMT, was very clear about what he didn't want (and my brother and I were his Health Care proxies in case). At the point where his choice was feeding tube or die, he opted for the feeding tube. He was almost 98, but he was crystal clear. And at the point where we invoked hospice and everyone finished explaining repeatedly that if he left the hospital and went home, hospice would not call an ambulance, that his medication would be palliative only...Dad said "Hell yeah, take me home."

He lived another ten days. The first five of that he was awake, flirting with the home health care aides and the nurse who came in daily to check in on him, and telling old stories. Even when he began to turn inward, it was quiet. He knew what he wanted and he trusted us to get it done for him. He was very lucky, and so were we.

[bfly.livejournal.com]

In our experience, not only was hospice a relief for my mother but it also rescued the whole family from a hospital system that does not know how to let go. Hospice let us stand down from patient advocacy and prepare ourselves for Mom's passing, and hospice workers are the kindest, most honest people I've ever encountered. My only regret is that we didn't move her sooner.

[alfreda89.livejournal.com]

Yes. We should have done it sooner, but my father was still sharp most days, and he'd somehow gotten the idea that the doctor would tell him when it was time to give up.

No. Doctors exist, for the most part, to arm wrestle with Death. Sometimes we want that, but sometimes, there's no point to it. Only my father, or if things became worse, family, could make that call.

Finally, he made it himself. And went into the next adventure.